Sometimes we can't find words to tell our feelings, especially towards those we love the best. and we screw things up. fml

after everything we've been thru. and for what happened this is the way it is isnt it. i grant your wish. there wont be me anymore after tonight. i hope your reading this right now. take care of yourself and tell my parents i love them . im sorry but yeah its have to be this way no one to blame not you not me. guess your right. i suck not good enough and all. tonight i'll make sure im as happy as ever i can be cause its gonna be the end of me. things for us i cherish and hope i rmb when im far far away. you didnt get what i mean when i said im your guardian angel but now you will. =) a stripe of 12 in here with me . temporary loses everything so yeah i duwanna face it. i cant accept the fact i admit. call me stupid call me idiotic but yeh. you should know i dont agree for the not talking till when you decided but yeah you see it in a different point of view so i cant say anything. you decided not to reply i decided to take the risk. its not the i dont need you thing which matters now. its the to prove . reading back your text for one last time to try rmb it later on. lastly goodbye

is cooking n preparing for someone =)

i switch my cellphone on every hour to check if there's a text . but guess its no point anymore. hmmm

where are you when i need you? =\ can we talk this thru? can we fix this or get things thru? hmm.

i really dont know what more can i say. i dont know what to do. im lost am i? hmm. i need isolation. after what happened and reactions showed i guess. i know what i have to do. i cant fake smile about this. i really really cant. im speaking out from my heart now. although i said things you dont like or uneasy pleasant feeling , i had to. i cant just keep it inside me. i really cant. you know thats how i am. im sorry. right now. everything is upside down. im even out of words to express what to say. i wanna be alone. like how i use to in the room all by myself in the dark! i told you what i had to tell. but what i hear isnt what i want. you win girl you win. since im that kind of person in your eyes , fine by me . i should have known all the while that is what you actually see. close one eye or both , its just hiding the fact of whats going on and what you feel. why dont you just voice out instead of pretending like everything is okay and playing cool happy go lucky. IM SORRY BUT I REALLY DO NEED TO VOICE OUT I HAVE MY RIGHT AT TIMES. i wish i have anyone or just someone to say everything will be okay or cheering me up like you do. but its ok i stand alone all the while in emo times. guess i've expected the unexpected. i wait and wait till its said dont wait anymore i wont text you. " why ? " just cause? alright understood what you trying to say. this afternoon i cared i showed i fight back i worry but i LOST. i listen i give way i respect! in return? endurance? dumping bag? i have a emotion level. guess you gave me the max this time. im sorry i bursting. words said are said. meant or not meant. its been done. im sorry.. are you? hmm. leave me alone alright. i'll stand someday. you can't really move on in the future until you let the past go , i guess you realise this right? i lost my individuality im just another face in the crowd . its not lack of love but lack of friendship that makes a relationship unhappy. love is forgiving and love is for-giving. BE STRONG.

i tried so hard to keep things calm but you win as usual . i guess i should keep quiet next time. hmm.

I LOVE MICHELLE LEE JIA-HUI =P

Every Little Thing You Do

let me know if you hear me, if you want to be near let me know. and i'll never let you go . love , when you ask what i feel i say love when you ask how i know i say trust . and if that's not enough it's every little thing you do. that makes me feel and fall in love with you. maybe there isn't a way i can show it to you ever since i've fall for you. it's every little thing you say that makes me feel this way there's not a thing that i can point to cause its every little thing you do. let's just feel what we feel cause sometimes it's the secret that keeps it alive but if you need a reason why, its your smile your laugh your heart your thoughts your understanding your careness your love. why i can't let go let me explain to you, that every little dreams comes true with every thing you do everything you are. it's everything you do everything. i'll be loving you forever my true love deep inside my heary you'll leave me never even if you took my heart and tore it into a million pieces i would still love you forever. your my sun my light . the last thing on my mind be4 i go to sleep at night. you're always around when im in need when trouble's on my mind your the one who puts my soul to ease. there's no one in this world who can and will love me like you do. we've had our fun we've made mistakes but who'd to guessed along that road. we give and take. your so much more than i could i dreamt. i pray that you'll never leave me cause this is the world where lovers often go astray but if we love each other we wont go that way so put doubts aside do what it takes to make it right no one can tear us apart. can't believe its over that you're leaving weren't we meant to be? should've sensed the danger read the warnings right there in front of me but i was blind . i wish we could just stop let's start over couldn't we get one more try? maybe tomorrow you'll say that you're mine . you'll realize i could change i'm gonna show you i'm in it for life! i'll get you back someday maybe tomorrow. i forgot to be there i was selfish i can see that now. i've should've held you when your tears fell down. just stop . doesn't it hurt seeing me beg? tell me that you'll stay wait a minute just to hear me out. turn around now your heart can't do what it takes can't let you walk away i'll do what it takes. there's so much i wanna say now i just wanna make a life with you,don't walk away. there's so much i wanna do now.

i just wanna spend my life with you.

day 1

i dont know how to start writing im stunned im empty . whats wrong baby whats wrong. whats holding you back? you know i forgived you right? i just want you backk. mistakes happens i wasnt around when it happen i was in ns. i blame myself for being there =\ its all my fault for whats going on now till you have doubts. when you walked away i knew you were leaving me. why baby why? why cant we sort things out? why cant things be the same? today wasnt a good day for me. stop pushing me away, pull be back . i feel terribly insecure as you kept pushing me away. nothing went right today. i couldnt eat couldnt sleep couldnt do anything. all i had in mind is you. right now right here. you replied me few mins ago and then you disappeared again =\ but before that you ignored me for about 5 hours. ill be patiently waiting here for you no matter how long it takes no matter how things are. we know we can fix things . its the matter we want to or not. where ever i was whatever i do, all i had in mind is you. you and you alone. thinking and thinking. i know you want space you want your freedom you want everything to be okay. im worried about you and im giving you what you want and how you want it. you want time i give you that. you rather believe in your friends and not me. its okay. i had a terrible past and yeah gossips goes on although its normal convo with a girl/guy . but the fact that your walking away from me kills me sayang . frankly i cant take it that your walking away from me. do you still love me? im dying to hear those three words from you. where is it baby where is it? your constantly here then gone. i can barely walk. im weak. weaker than you think. im still avoiding my medications. i know i have to take it as i can pass out anytime. im sorry if you get mad hearing this. today i bought crocs . the sandals reminds me of you everytime the colours the wordings . baby i miss you do come back home into my arms. i miss your sweet morning texts your voice your kisses your hugs . the way you ask for bear hug and hug me so tightly never gonna let go. i broke down few times today. im sorry im not strong enough i guess i'll never be when your not here with me. when i asked you are you gonna take care of me? you didnt reply. where are you baby. why are you missing. im gonna wait for you. but your gonna scold me for being a vamp. im awake cause i wanna get your reply i wanna be there to reply you. i seriously honestly miss you.

see the sandals? the colour is mcd. stands for you and me . teddy reminds me of you . and our starting alphabets on the other side with mine the superman S. i miss you baby come back .

ps michelle lee aka babyku i love you

Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable.

love is given , hatred is acquired

titleless

i lie awake here again . bodies feeling paralysed. yes im sleepy but i dont wanna sleep. im hopelessly waiting for you to text me but i know its not gonna happen. like hello look at the bloody time its 3.57 am! giving myself false hope to put the smile on me. no goodnight text not a single word from you. what does this mean? anyone out there to answer this?? i know your having hard times i know your difficult like your gasping for air but there's hardly. please let the past go. i know its hard. i've been there i know how it feels but if you dont let go , we wont get a smooth relationship. let it go. learn from mistakes like how i did. be a better person. you know im gonna tolerate you no matter how or what right. i love you so damn much do you know that. i'm patiently waiting here for you i might not text you or call you or anything else.but i think deep inside you , you know im waiting. arguements is what im gonna avoid. i think of you all the time. even when i was out with justin then julia. i dont show it but i know it. hmm. i pray that your okay and getting stronger. i suppose your gonna say that you dont know how to face me or speak to me. after whats been in your head. but baby , you forgived me be4 and i vowed not to do it again , so i promised you. now its your turn. it was hard to accept and forgive but i had to simple enough because i love you. i really do. who's gonna love me like you do if you walk away from me? would i continue living ? or should i fml when your gone? i pray that tmr is a better day ahead. there's nothing more i can say for now .goodbye but not goodnight yet. but to michelle lee. goodnight sweetest dreams. love you loads.

Speak low if you speak love (:

no one needs to know whats going on . only you and me do.

i miss you. muahhhhh :)

im staring at the walls thinking about you. im missing you deeply alot. =\

i dont know whats wrong with myself. i know im weird. i know im quiet. i know im different. lets say im just not normal. im sitting here thinking about youu. thinking bout how im gonna do without you in my life and how i would be. i think i wont get by . aint go any days. just lonely nights . infact girl i wont be alright and feel outta place and outta time. i think im gonna lose my mind. babyy, do you dream of me at night? like how i dream of you all the time. i miss your face. i miss your kiss, i even miss the arguements thata we have from time to time. i miss you standing by my side. there isn't you god knows there isn't me. you know when im lonesome and cries when we're sad. up in the good times and down in the bad. whenever im discouraged , she just knows what to do. michelle lee honey bear =) i miss youuu

"Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly and without law, and must be plucked where it is found, and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration. (D. H. Lawrence)"

"I shall always be a priest of love.

all in one.

"Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it, everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, never... never forget it. (Curtis Judalet)"

im lazy to blog =X haha. im sleepy yawn. at work and its freaking boring. can i quit? yes no? dunno? hmm.

i'll wait

i'm sleepy but i wanna hear from you =\ i'll wait

you know what ? i freaking miss you =X
where are you ? hmm. how are you? what are you doing? idk anything. =\
you're the only one who really knew me at all. we shared laughter we shared pain and even shaded tears. there's so much i need to say to you. i miss you. baby i love you

no matter how things are and how'd you treat me,you'll always be the queen of my heart now and forever. i love you

imma walking zombie

biii

baby i tattooed =X

Down down day yesterday.

baby wasn't really okay ystdy . could feel it from the way she texts me . i hope she'll be alright sooon. i miss you. aww. you wanna watch step up 3? i'll ask my friend working in tgv whether got or not lor Xd i think i watched step up 2 already. hahahhaa. baby baby baby baby. i i i miss miss miss you you you =\


bee. am i sexy? haha


i need bigger arms =\


the one i like most =D

so near yet so far

hmm. its 11.40am right now and im at work. i miss you baby girl =\
i promise that you'll never be alone . this house will always be your home and our hearts will always beat as one as long as i can breathe i swear . i promise that i will never let you down be strong for you, i'll always be around look into my eyes you'll see that we were meant to be together this love of ours was sent from up above . together i know that we could touch the sky nothing ever felt so right. there's something that you really gotta know i'm with you till the end of the road . i'll never let you go . i swear i've never felt like this before cause everyday i love you more and more . you lift me up so high, i look into your eyes i see forever . through the fire we could hold each other up . i'll be your shelter cause the storms are gonna come so don't worry anymore cause this is no ordinary love and this i promise you girl i'll be there. Michelle lee jia - hui this i promise you.

baby's doing her bio exam now. hopefully she does it well and DOESN'T LEAVE ANY BLANK! =.=
lol. you better sleep when you get back home cause you've been up mostly after migrane then you know dear =\ i miss you la weyyy. its gonna be the second week. hmmph.
i bought murphy a birthday present.

GA okay. lol. baby dont kill me. his a good friend =)


and im gonna get one new one for myself when i gotta cash =p
again baby dont kill me cause you're having one of mine too. wakakkakaka
muahs =P love you kay. buy you ice cream XD

i miss you la wey. please get over your trials asap or or i'll fatt pei hei.
love you honey bear (:

moments about you (:

As I sail with you across the finest oceans , onn our way to find the key to our emotions.
Together we will move the clouds to brighter days.
Some people question what I say tried to break up you and me
But I know this love between us is growing stronger
You can call me whenever from wherever
Just remember that I'll be there
Through all the stormy weather us break up?never
No we'll be together..Forever cause i believe in YOU and I.
As I close my eyes sit back while reminiscing
Of when we used to fuss and fight but end up kissing
There may be sad and painful times along the way
But in my heart you'll always be everything and more to me
For I know this love between us is growing stronger.
For you are always on my mind
Girl you know that you , you are always forever.


before NS


during christmas


sweet seventeen =)


modelling? haha. nah in penang


little poser in jj's toilet


i forgot when was this. she's sexy. damn.


the dress i bought her for her 16th birthday


trying to be emo? haha


beatiful eyes of hers =d

this is seductive XD

michelle lee, i love you

I MISS YOU

i miss you like a child misses its blanket =\

baby....
i love you enough to fight for you , compromise for you , and sacrifise for you if need be.
Enough to miss you incredibly when we're apart , no matter what length of time it's for and regardless of the distance.
Enough to believe in our relationship , to stand by it through the worst times , to have faith in our strength as a couple , and to never give up on us.
Enough to spend the rest of my life with you , be there for you when you need or want me , and never ever want to leave you or live without YOU..
I LOVE YOU MUCH MICHELLE LEE. MUAH

baby why do you cry and not share it with me?? today when on the phone i was actually down and thinking alot till i fell asleep. thru what i felt is that we could still have met up this week but maybe cause you wanna study for your trials thats why we didn't i understood but i was still emotionally down. why do you say life is hectic? whats wrong? what are you not telling me =\ you know im always there trying my best to make you stay strong why not try think positively darling ? (: mistakes happens easily i can also admit that i hurt you a lot too MICHELLE LEE . too many sorry?? what do you mean. see your making your own assumptions your never a failure. babyyyy , in life there's nothing easy . nothing comes packed up and simple. we will fall down hard on the ground and its courage and strength carries us back up. we have to learn from mistakes in order to grow. its like standard procedure of life. never the less sayang. i'll be there to lift back up with you. together we fall united we stand. i love you. if you say you FML then i'll FML too.

work's gonna be boring for 2 days all alone cause murphy's off day today and tmr he took upl to celebrate his birthday. damnnnnnn. hate you wey.
i asked you to call and you did =) i tried to manja manja but you tak bagi =\ ish ish ish. i even tried to kidnap you! haha. see how much i miss you. you'll see me each day indirectly =P just be patient! hehe. oh darling honey bear michelle babi ku =P i love you honey.

a broken heart cant be that bad when its true , its true.
fate will twist the both of us so come baby come over.
let me be the one to show you.
i'm the one who wants to be with you.
deep inside i know you feel it too.
waited on a line of green and blue
just to be the next to be with you.
build up our confidence to be the top forever.
you can make my life worthwhile
and i can make you start to smile dear michelle (:

things are up and down. currently i know you fear what might happened and all. i do too. i want to reconnect with you . i miss you honey bear i miss you. you know some say love is a hunger , an endless aching need. but i say love is the flower and YOU are the only seed. you say there's so many sorry to be said. but i dont seem to see a reason that you need to do so. the way you spoke to me last night was really sad. another day without your smile. another day just passes by but nothing much changes. and now i know how much it means for you to stay right here with me. i wanna grow old with you. i wanna die lying in your arms. i wanna be looking into your eyes. i wanna be there for you. sharing everything you do. i should have know that i was wrong in everything i do. they say you never miss the water until its gone. i guess i failed to love you the way you like? im sorry for the mess i caused its all by myself, me and me alone. i really do hope you could forgive me. i'll do anything i can anything you want and how you want it to be. i love you. im sorry forgive me. i really wish i could turn back time to where we were so sweet and loving. bear hugs holding hands kisses. i miss you dear. i asked you to decide because its important for you to choose what you want. im not a good boyf. not as perfect as you are. do i deserve your love baby? i hurt you so much. you had so many guys after you which you didnt tell me. i don't know why. why didnt you choose them but still stay with me? i've answered you why i chose you over her. guess its your turn? be true to me . i wanna know the truth . dont need to pity me or all. im sure they treat you better right? im not good enough never will be good enough. sigh i punch wall i drank beer i smoked alot just to forget the pain that makes me think that your leaving me. i miss you so mucch please come back. im sorry for what i did but i know its not enough. i think myself to sleep hoping everyday that passes by it'll be a better day for you and me. i know i messed up and screwed things up but i didnt want it that way all i want was honestly between you and me. and no secrets between i know your afraid to tell me things cause i'm sensitive but if we can live with the way of being honest and nothing between im sure we can be greater than ever and you wouldnt need any of those butterflies around you to make you feel happy. when everyone's getting out of bed im normally getting in it. sigh. but your the greatest thing about me.if it's love and we decide that forever no one else could do it better but us. i love you

i wonder which is better? you trusting them or me? sigh. just kill me would you. it just hurts when you rather trust other ppl. what's left since there's no more trust and believe and just doubts all over? what more can i say or do? atleast now i do know what your level of trust and believe you have in me! when i asked you to tell me about it , you wouldnt't . like wth ! i deserve to know about it. and fight for my rights.. do you want me find out about who and what myself?? you know when i do it ain't gonna sound good then. but fine i'll close one eye like how you do things. things are just not the same. i know im no more chikaboo to you . you can tell it straight to myself . i know your friends and cousin tells you to leave. and its just a matter of time i suppose. i have flaws not as perfect as you . you're wanting to leave but idk whats holding you back. you fake smile and act like nothing is wrong but you cant fool me girl . you never can. i know you well enough to know things isn't right. when you didnt let me clear things up . we know that you are hiding something else also but yet i just kept quiet. things are not the same anymore and there's doubts that it'll be how it use to be. do you love me? you do? you don't? hmm. bet you dont know.

p/s if things like that happened in ns and you rather listen to other ppl and not me, i have nothing better to say . thanks for trusting me. great .

Heartache kills more than a dream.

just gonna stand there and watch me burn

but thats alright cause i like the way it hurts (;

i can't tell you what is really is I only can tell you how if feels

and right now there's a steel knife in my windpipe I can't breathe

but i still fight while i can fight as long as the feels right

it's like i'm in flight high of a love drunk from the hate

wait. where you going i'm not leaving you but are you coming back?

but when it's bad it's awful i feel so ashamed i snap. Who's that dude?

i don't even know his name

you ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe when you're with them

never do nothing to hurt her. Now we're in each other's face spewing venom and these words when we spit them.

it's the rage that took over and control both of us.

So whats the best they say? to go seperate ways.

Guess they don't know cause today is different that was yesterday.

It's a different day.

Now i know we said things. Did things that we didn't mean and we fall back into the same patterns same routine.

Our temper's the same. But when it comes to love. Baby please come back.

it wasn't you baby it was me. maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems.

Maybe thats what happens when tornado meets volcano.

All i know is i love you too much. Told you this is my fault.

I'll aim my fist at the dry wall.

I apologize i'm tired of games I just want you back.

agree with this? i do (: smileeee

wolverine attack?? hmm. ouch? =\

been having hard time falling asleep recently.

With Every Hug & Kiss, You're Snatching Every Bit of Strength, That I'm Gonna Need To Find Off The Inevitable.

A true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else believes the fake smile..

Laugh your heart out .
Dance in the rain.
Cherish the memories.
Ignore the pain.
Love and learn.
Forget and forgive.
Because YOU only have one life to live ♥

now i see you then i dont.

driving away till there's no more sign of you.

should i say i miss you?

but deep down you know i do (:

Everyone can see who i appear to be , but only a few knows the real me , you can only see what i choose to show, there's just too much behind this smile people just don't know ♥

breakfast?
lunch?
dinner?
supper?
neither. hmm =\

went out supper
ps i miss you

missing you in the worst part ever =\ i wonder when i can see you again .hmm, cause when im kissing YOU my senses comes alive . the puzzle piece i've been tryin to find. you're all that it takes to make me doubts fade away.. i miss youuuuuuu.
don't wait for the perfect moment , take the moment and make it perfect (:

just suddenly had the urged to blog. its been awhile since i did so . so yeah. im so sleepy and im currently at work =\ i feel like a zombie. even worst when im a vampire . damn damn sanfu =\ and im bored plus hungry. hmm. life life life. life isnt turning out the way it is . obstacles are all the way as the future comes.
expect the unexpected. fall down. gather your strength and stand back right up ;)
p/s i miss you baby girl .

hm.

you dont curse infront of me? is that a joke or what. what she texted me? all she said was you said im ignoring you and it gik you. thats all she said. sadly but yeah i didnt see your text. i was too impatient i chucked it on the bed and left my room. yeah friends i suppose huh. say as you wish do as you like. what am i hiding from you??? tell me what am i hiding from you. so hard to say things out to me? what are you actually trying to tell me. be frank ! oh now im treated as a close friend. excellent. not the right time till i find out its something bad then what happens you tell me. yeah describe it the way you like childish then shall be it. ignore then. simply judge or not you know whats going on and i dont . yeah i broke my promise i know . like how you broke promises with me if you notice...

i dont know whats going on

i see your blog but i dont know whats going on. there's like so many things going on in your life which i dont know. your hiding stuffs from me aye . everytime i read your blog its like what she's talking about how come i don't get to figure it out. i see all the posts and i still cant figure out . you promised me not to curse anymore but look even more and more is coming out. i dont know what else i can say. dont use the word yang on me cause its not for me and you know what i mean. im not ignoring you or anything if you think so . your cousin told me your asleep i think as she replied one text with your phone. hmmm . fine i told myself and waited. but then after few hours till dinner time still no reply . great i've chucked my phone at home and im out now. there's no point taking my bloody phone out when there's no use. hmm. i dont know why are you not telling me stuffs and all. yeah i just saw your latest post. i know your gonna be moody for today .and sorry i cant be there for you cause i feel lost reading your post like im not part of your life anymore or something like that. yeah you can call me a MOTHER FUCKER OR IDIOTIC SHIT OR LAME SHIT OR CHILDISH i got my reasons too. im not revenging or anything. you got many ppl to cheer you up or so. me not around doesnt even matter since you can CURSE about me so bloody much. you kept saying FML FML FML you might see i dont give shit . BUT i dont know why your saying so . thats why i rather keep quiet and not ask. cause you've not been telling me anything or updating me willingly. if im suppose to beg and annoy you by asking. thats not how we were suppose to be in this relationship! remember i said no secrets between us??? seems like there is now YANG. maybe its not you supposing to say FML maybe its meant to be mine to say. FUCK MY LIFE! lost in this relationship is just.. WOW excellent!?! HA HA HA. damn it .