i switch my cellphone on every hour to check if there's a text . but guess its no point anymore. hmmm

where are you when i need you? =\ can we talk this thru? can we fix this or get things thru? hmm.

i really dont know what more can i say. i dont know what to do. im lost am i? hmm. i need isolation. after what happened and reactions showed i guess. i know what i have to do. i cant fake smile about this. i really really cant. im speaking out from my heart now. although i said things you dont like or uneasy pleasant feeling , i had to. i cant just keep it inside me. i really cant. you know thats how i am. im sorry. right now. everything is upside down. im even out of words to express what to say. i wanna be alone. like how i use to in the room all by myself in the dark! i told you what i had to tell. but what i hear isnt what i want. you win girl you win. since im that kind of person in your eyes , fine by me . i should have known all the while that is what you actually see. close one eye or both , its just hiding the fact of whats going on and what you feel. why dont you just voice out instead of pretending like everything is okay and playing cool happy go lucky. IM SORRY BUT I REALLY DO NEED TO VOICE OUT I HAVE MY RIGHT AT TIMES. i wish i have anyone or just someone to say everything will be okay or cheering me up like you do. but its ok i stand alone all the while in emo times. guess i've expected the unexpected. i wait and wait till its said dont wait anymore i wont text you. " why ? " just cause? alright understood what you trying to say. this afternoon i cared i showed i fight back i worry but i LOST. i listen i give way i respect! in return? endurance? dumping bag? i have a emotion level. guess you gave me the max this time. im sorry i bursting. words said are said. meant or not meant. its been done. im sorry.. are you? hmm. leave me alone alright. i'll stand someday. you can't really move on in the future until you let the past go , i guess you realise this right? i lost my individuality im just another face in the crowd . its not lack of love but lack of friendship that makes a relationship unhappy. love is forgiving and love is for-giving. BE STRONG.